Studs and sluts…
While I was catching up on AlterNet, I came across this piece called “He’s a Stud, She’s a Slut:The Sexual Double Standard” by Jessica Valenti. She posits that sexual promiscuity is allowed in men (and, in some ways, promoted — hence the stud terminology) and it is discouraged with considerable scorn and disgust (as embodied by the word slut).
In this exerpt, she speaks about the power of the word slut and how there is no real parallel for men:
Naturally, I’d be called a slut many times over later in life — not unlike most girls. I was called a slut when my boobs grew faster than others’. I was called a slut when I had a boyfriend (even though we weren’t having sex.) I was called a slut when I didn’t have a boyfriend and kissed a random boy at a party. I was called a slut when I had the nerve to talk about sex. I was called a slut when I wore a bikini on a weekend trip with high school friends. It seems the word slut can be applied to any activity that doesn’t include knitting, praying, or sitting perfectly still lest any sudden movements be deemed whorish.
Despite the ubiquity of “slut,” where you won’t hear it is in relation to men. Men can’t be sluts. Sure, someone will occasionally call a guy “a dog,” but men simply aren’t judged like women are when it comes to sexuality. (And if they are, they’re judged in a positive way!) Men who have a lot of sexual partners are studs, Casanovas, pimps, and players. Never sluts. In fact, when I just did a Google search for “male sluts,” the first result I got was She Male Sluts DVD! I know, should have seen that coming. The point is, there isn’t even a word — let alone a concept — to signify a male slut.
Sister, you are preaching to the choir…
The chauvinist tyranny of sex has to stop. It’s preventing all of us from having meaningful relationships inside and outside of the bedroom. This is one more thing that men (and other women) use to needlessly subjugate women. The amount or number of partners you have had sexually does not change your worth as a person but the stud/slut gambit says just the opposite.
The only number that matters when it comes to sexual partners is zero. If it is anything other than zero, then you are among the billions of people on this planet that have had sex! There are worse clubs you can be in. Some of us have had it more, some of us have had it less, it’s our prerogative.
The depth of our sexual dysfunction in this country is sad.
June 14th, 2008 at 10:01
Thanks for this post, Derek. I read Valenti’s Feministing.com blog regularly and while I don’t agree with nor am I able to relate 100% to everything there, their writing has really expanded my perspectives and my knowledge of others perspectives. I forwarded your post link to Jessica.